Sunday, 26 January 2014

I'm back ...

Hello, remember me?  I'm sneaking back in sideways, wondering if anybody noticed that I was gone.

I apologise for my lack of posts in the past 5 months!  

Happy New Year to you all.

I've finally managed to crawl out of the black hole that I had dug for myself.  I've also been like a fish on a feeding frenzy with all those 1,000s of free listings that have been thrown our way.   They don't seem to have made much difference to my sales, but at least they had me dragging my sorry butt off the couch and getting some listings done.

Today (Sunday) is Australia Day, and tomorrow is the public holiday.   It's going to be hot today, and tomorrow (39 degrees).   I will be hiding inside with the curtains shut, spending the two days alone.  I'm hoping to put some stuff up for sale on Facebook today, so if I get any visitors it will be buyers from there.  *fingers crossed*.

I've taken a good hard look at myself over the past few months, and I don't like what I see.  I'm not just talking about avoiding mirrors (which I've done all my life), but the birds-eye view of myself from above.  All I can see is a great yawning empty space around me, and inside me, and also the gaping empty space in my bank account.    :-0

I figured that I could fix the bank account, by getting a job, as eBay just wasn't covering my cost of living.   I figured that this would also fill some of the space around me, and maybe just a little bit inside of me.   Doing this eBay job suits me, because I am an introvert, and people tend to over-whelm me.   But also, I found that it was making me more reclusive.

Applying for a job meant job interviews.  Nothing is more likely to turn me into a stammering, jibbering, red-faced fool, shaking so hard that I have to hide my hands from the interviewers.   How can I sell myself to somebody else, when I didn't even believe in myself?

So I put off looking for a job, because of the fear of those "job interviews."  

Then it hit me, that I wasn't going to find any self-confidence by hiding away in my house.  It was only going to come, with me having a job, and connecting with people;  feeling that if I dropped off the face of the Earth, somebody might even miss me.

Then I found out that I may be eligible for something called "New Start", which is a fancy name for going on the dole.    I shuffled into my local Centrelink office, guilty & embarrassed, and found that I make so little money, that I am eligible for a partial Job Seeker payment.  

I've had a 13 week wait before it kicks in , but it gave me something positive to look forward to.

This week is my first week on it.    As part of this I have to apply for 5 jobs a week.     So this has FORCED me to track down a couple of people I used to work with to be my referees, and to get my resume in order.  

Even though I am shit-shared at the thought of interviews, I just have to suck it up, and stop making excuses.     There are people far worse off than me, who have got through far harder times.  Enough with the self-pity and playing a victim to my own insecurities!

And, yes, doing it all on my little lonesome is hard too - but I've got my imaginary friends to help me.  ;-)

And now off to read all the blogs I subscribe to, and catch up on what all my Blog friends are up to.


  1. Glad you're back! Sometimes a little external motivation is exactly what we need so get the momentum going. Wishing you the best.

    1. Thanks for your kind message, Kari. Yes, sometimes you just need a kick in the pants. LOL.

  2. Welcome back! Yes, it was noticed you had gone missing. It was fun to read some of the older posts in the meantime.
    Sunny Phoenix Arizona