Friday, 3 February 2012

Well excuse me for existing .....

Have you ever seen someone standing on one side of those automatic doors, jumping up and down and waving their arms madly?   We don't do it for exercise.   Let me make it very clear that  I am *allergic* to exercise.
However, that twit is probably me.    If I'm not bouncing up and down like Richard Simmons, I'm doing some serious re-arranging of my nose as the door refuses to acknowledge my existence in our space-time continuum.
I can stand at a counter for 5 minutes waiting for service, and as soon as someone else arrives - the salesperson suddenly appears and serves the new arrival first.   I suck it up and keep my mouth shut - because I don't want to make a fuss, I don't want to draw attention to myself.   I don't think I belong here.   *Shhhh - don't tell anyone*

My Mum has always called me "Creeping Moses."   I slink around the place like somebody who has no right to exist.   I tip-toe around op-shops and give the employees heart-attacks when I appear wraith-like near them with no warning.  (( Okay, sometimes that part is jolly good fun.  ;-)  ))       Sometimes those Depends need to be quality tested.   I'm willing to be paid for it !

I want to be helpful - but at a distance from humanity.   I want a warm-and-fuzzy feeling without too much interaction.    I'm constantly on the alert in my car - waiting to wave a pedestrian across the road, or to allow a car to pass ahead of me.  I am waiting for the secret thrill of "The Thank you Wave."   It lets me know that I exist.  

See that person, they see me, they know I'm here.   They wiggled a finger at me - I saw it!   

Often my generous gesture is ignored and I sit there like Jerry Seinfeld wailing "Where's my thank you wave?"

More often than not, you will see me hovering hopefully at checkouts - waiting for the person ahead of me to bemoan the fact that they don't have enough money to buy that desired packet of biscuits.   I slide in with the required change - Bang!   

Does that lovely elderly man look like he needs help with his shopping?   I grab a bag or two!  Zing Zang!

Has that woman gone off and left a bag of shopping behind?  See me run after her! Kabloomey!

Does that man at the side of the road need a mobile phone to call a tow-truck because his car's broken down.   Here I am with my trusty mobile phone!    Bam! - The Wraith strikes again.

Quick, fast, deadly, done and dusted.    No excessive personal involvement needed, and I get a little warm & fuzzy.
For almost a minute, I have existed in real-time with the rest of humanity.

So the next time you see somebody doing star jumps in front of an automatic door, give them some dignity, spare them their blushes.    Avert your eyes and find interest in something over there.   ---------->      Ta very much.   We're not like you.

Until then, I will wait for someone from my own planet or space-time continuum to realise that I am missing.   Hellllooooo out there ?????

Doctor, you want me to come with you?  Me?  Little old me?  You are very dishy, but how could I leave my family, my country, my friends, my planet.  

Ermmmm .....  You have books and wine in outer space?    You do?  

<<<  Running very fast towards the Blue Box >>>

"See ya!!!""

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