I am very pleased that you found the tiny broken part in my roof tile, and decided to move in. I know it's a lovely dark open space up there and you must have been chuffed to find your new roomy rent-free apartment.
I never knew that possums could River-dance - I certainly never expected you to be doing it from 2 to 5 am every morning in my bedroom ceiling wearing hob-nailed boots.
I'm sorry for not being an appreciative audience to your performances. I'm sure the other families you roomed with enjoyed them a hell of a lot more than I do. Perhaps they also supplied you with the steroids that made you twice as big as you should be.
Also, thanks for jumping on the eaves with your fat steroid-taking possum bums, and causing it to fall down. That's really nice that you've created a nice platform there, so that anything can now walk into my roof with ease and comfort.
You've turned my roof into a fricking Noah's Ark. I can only imagine what will be able to move into my roof now. I know it won't be something magical like unicorns.
It's windy today, and I'm sure the roof space is getting a lovely airing from the huge bloody two-metre hole that is now open to the elements. I can only picture you filling this space with possum pooh, piss & other nasty things.
I'm just waiting to hear back from my insurance company to send someone out and fix the mess you've made. Then I also get to pay hundreds of dollars to a special "possum man" to come and possum-proof my roof, and catch you in order take you away and set you free again in my area !!! How nice for you!
May I suggest Unit 12 as a nice abode. There is a lovely bogan family there that will appreciate your nightly river-dancing far more than I. They will appreciate *you* in more ways that I.